Burger King’s “Arrived at 18:51” advertisement analysis

Step 1: Revise the Informative Essay All writers revise their work as part of the writing process. For Touchstone 3, submit a revised version of your Touchstone 2.2 informative essay. The process of revising involves re-thinking your essay. Your revision should reflect your attention to the following: Rhetorical situation Focus Organization Flow Style Clarity As you review the graders suggestions and feedback of your draft, evaluate how your essay can be improved in each of the areas above. Focus your attention on the areas that would benefit most from revision. You can add, delete, or move text as you revise your essay. Note the following revision guidelines: Do not draft a new essay on a new topic. You must revise your Touchstone 2.2 draft using the feedback provided. Allow time between drafts so that you can see your original work from a new perspective. Revision is different from editing and proofreading; however, be sure to edit and proofread your revised essay before you submit it. big idea Revise your Touchstone 2.2 essay using the revision strategies you learned in Unit 3. This revision should reflect significant changes from your first draft, and should incorporate the feedback you received on Touchstone 2.2. Step 2. Think About Your Writing Include answers to all of the following reflection questions below your completed revision. How much time did you spend revising your draft? Which revision strategies did you use, and which of them worked best for you? (2-3 sentences) Sophia says: A good revision takes time. This is your opportunity to re-think, rearrange, and re-evaluate your writing. Which revision strategies did you use? Do you still agree with your thesis? Do you believe that your evidence supports your thesis and that you have met the requirements of the assignment? How did the revision process improve your essay? (2-3 sentences) Sophia says: Compare your draft to your revision. Have you added relevant details or removed irrelevant ones? Have you changed the order of details or paragraphs? Have you added transitions for better flow? In which ways is your revision better than your draft? What did you learn about your writing process or yourself as a writer? (2-3 sentences) Sophia says: Think about the entire process of drafting and revising this essay. Did any part of the process surprise you or reveal something unexpected? Step 3. Review Rubric and Checklist Your essay and reflection will be scored according to the Informative Rubric, which considers your revision and edits, effectiveness in addressing the writing prompt for either the advertisement image analysis essay OR the extended definition essay, the working thesis, organization, style and tone, focus, conventions and proofreading, and your responses to the Think About Your Writing questions. Refer to the checklist below throughout the writing process. Do not submit your Touchstone until it meets these guidelines. Editing and Revising Have you significantly revised your essay, making adjustments in areas that include organization, focus, and clarity? Have you made comprehensive changes in word choice, sentence variety, and style? Have you made revisions that are based on the feedback provided by your evaluator? Essay Prompt: Image Analysis If you chose the image analysis prompt, have you revisited your analysis and interpretation of the images use of design components to ensure that you’ve done more than describe the ad? Have you revisited your conclusions about the audience and effectiveness of the ad? Did you include the image in your essay? Is your draft 800-1300 words long? Essay Prompt: Extended Definition If you chose the extended definition prompt, did you make sure that your definition extends the definition and doesnt rely too heavily on the traditional definition? Did you revisit the examples and explanations that support your definition? Is your essay 800-1300 words in length? Thesis Have you revised your thesis statement? Did you make sure that your thesis states the overall claim of the essay? Is your thesis one sentence that is located toward the end of the introductory paragraph? Focus and Organization Have you reviewed your body paragraphs and made sure that each one has a clear topic sentence restating the subject and main point covered in that body paragraph? Have you revisited your conclusion paragraph and final thoughts? Have you reviewed the sequence of your ideas? Have you improved your transitions to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs? Have you improved the flow of your essay? Does your revision have a clear focus? Have you maintained a clear focus and included only relevant details? Style and Tone Have you ensured that the tone of your essay is unbiased and informative? Have you informed the reader about your topic avoiding the first person and/or framing personal examples in an objective way? Have you reconsidered your word choices? Conventions Have you checked your draft for grammatical errors? Have you used spell-check or another method to check spelling? Have you punctuated your essay correctly? Before You Submit Have you included your name, date, and course at the top left of the page? Have you completed the Think About Your Writing questions? Is your essay between three and five pages (approximately 800-1300 words) in length? Commentors Words to be revised: Rubric Category Points Percentage Result Image Analysis / Extended Definition 8.5 25% Proficient (85%) – Shinjini added: Great work writing this essay on Burger King’s “Arrived at 18:51” ad in the informative mode. You did a great job analyzing different components of the ad, including layout, colour, text, and tone, but the target audience could be analyzed in a little more detail outside of what is mentioned in the introduction. Do consider whether the target audience for this ad was only young parents and families or whether the ad is trying to reach a wider audience. There is always room to improve, so remember to still revise this draft for the Touchstone 3 to best meet rubric requirements. Working Thesis 5.2 13% Advanced (100%) – Shinjini added: Awesome set up to the essay with a clear sense of the plans to inform the reader about this topic. Do consider making the thesis a little more concise while retaining all the main points. Organization 5.2 13% Advanced (100%) – Shinjini added: Wonderful work organizing ideas for this informative essay using topic sentences for each body paragraph. The topic sentences clearly convey what the paragraphs discuss. Style and Tone 5.2 13% Advanced (100%) – Shinjini added: You did a superb job informing readers about this Burger King ad using effective word choice, sentence structures, and impersonal and objective language throughout. You did well using third-person language consistently. Focus 4.8 12% Advanced (100%) – Shinjini added: Superb focus, keeping ideas consistently on track for this informative essay. Conventions 4.1 12% Proficient (85%) – Shinjini added: Great job editing for this Touchstone. Try reading aloud to be sure to catch any unclear parts. For example, in the thesis statement, this section is unclear: “to make the brand a part of the family life when making important transitions as a means of transitioning the image is the mere purchase of a fast food in the Burger king store in question”. Think About Your Writing 4.8 12% Advanced (100%) – Shinjini added: Thank you for your personal reflections and for completing the color-coding requirement! FEEDBACK: For your informative essay, you focused on analyzing the design elements of Burger King’s “Arrived at 18:51” ad. Good work on this first draft! Make sure you analyze the target audience in more detail and make the thesis statement a little less wordy. See my comments in the rubric above for feedback that will help you improve your essay for the Touchstone 3 revision assignment.