Personal reflection on a significant life event involving fa…

Revise the attached and follow below instructions: This is a good event to share and the detail you present well shares the event. The content here is well organized. There is the opportunity for added development. There is much here, but as you edit I suggest sharing a bit more of the actions and reactions of others around you. You do well present much of the environment you find yourself in. I do see your actions and maybe just a bit of others … but add more of others like, nurses, doctors, other patients, the look and actions of others, etc. Also, was there one particular point you want the reader to focus on? Consider putting the most description where you want the reader to focus. Also, try to lessen any frequent use of l. Again, a good job here and a good thesis is shared. In this final draft, I only suggest adding more of that comprehensive objective element that can make the actual experience more vivid for the reader. And, of course, show me the best of your writing skills.